Friday, January 31, 2014
My fibromyalgia is a pain in the ASS. I hate it. I loathe it. I'd give anything to not have this monster of a disorder. I want to be able to get up in the morning and just run! I want to get up, fix my kids a real breakfast (not just cereal, or a breakfast bar) and feel human. I want to not have to rely on my son to comb my youngest child's hair, get her dressed and ready for school, on those iffy days. (there for a long time that was every single day! I have been looking back trying to figure out where I dropped the ball this time and I think it was a number of things. I think it started with this, I used a massage chair. It felt REALLY good, but I think it started my flare. Then, because of the flare, I started eating convenience foods, because it hurt too bad to cook. This led to not having a lot of cash (cost of convenience foods is higher than fresh) which led to a bout of serious depression (more pain, physically and mentally) which led to MORE convenience foods, which led to more pain. THEN to top it off, we had weird weather patterns, which always cause significant pain flares. Throughout it all I tried to continue to go to the gym. I noticed muscle fatigue and started switching things up, less weight, less reps, then I just took some time off. Among all of that, I ran out of my fibro medication. I was losing my shit and fast, at that point. The bottom went and fell out. My dearest, closest friends were noticing. I was moving slower, I was avoiding phone calls, I was extremely bitchy, the brain fog is horrible. All in a matter of 2-3 weeks. Shit hit the FAN. One email to my doctor, explaining I was losing my cool, my meds ran out, pain flare, etc. I am back on track. I have had 3 days now of 6 hours of sleep, not continuous, but still, 6 hours of sleep. I usually sleep 3-4 hours, then get up for a few hours, then sleep for 3-4 more. During this flare time I was averaging 2 each time. That's 4 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. Things will get better. I am still working toward my weight loss goals, eating healthy (yes, it does indeed help!), exercising as I am able, putting one foot in front of the other. Thank you for being there for me and having my back!