Wednesday, March 07, 2001

I have noticed that when things aren't going so well between dh and me (or is it "I"? God I hate grammar), I start thinking of past loves and friends who I lost touch with. Yeah, I've done this a few times in my log. I'm just hopeless I guess.

tonight I am thinking about an old college professor, who tried to teach me philosophy. I gave the man more than one migraine second guessing everything. Well, isn't that what you're supposed to do in philosophy class?

He started a discussion about love and lust and do you know the difference? I had just gotten married (the day before!) and he knew that, as I skipped class to get married. *grin*. I said yeah, I know, lust is how I feel about you, but love is how I feel about my new husband. I never saw a man blush like that. and holy cow where did I get the balls to say that?????? I'll never know. He said that's not what I mean. I said well, what DO you mean? HUH? if this isn't lust or love then what am I feeling?

Well, it was lust that drove me nuts when I watched him from afar. It was lust that made me go to his office when I knew he'd be there, it was lust that made me sit on his stack of papers on his desk and seductively cross my legs....(I practiced) and it was lust that made him lean over and kiss me that day. and he told me so.

I remember it vividly, even 12 years later, Dr W. standing there and saying Maggie, THIS is lust and leaning over and giving me the most incredible kiss. I felt I was going to just die right then and there. It made my toes curl. To be honest I've never been kissed like that since. Of course there was a knock at the door AT THAT VERY MOMENT and the lust moment was gone in a flash. I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand, jumped down off his desk, grabbed my backpack and was out the door with a wave and a 'see ya tomorrow in class'. *sigh*

why do I remind myself of that moment? I've done it more than once. why can't a girl be satisfied with what she has?