Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Missing Mom

My Mama passed away on April 20th. She was *just* my stepmom, my birthmom passed away when I was 8, but she took over the role of Mom in my life and for the last almost 30 years, was "my Mother". I miss her like crazy. Not a day goes by that I don't reach for my phone to call her. Then I get pissed because she isn't there. It hurts. I feel I have nobody now. I don't have a close relationship with anyone who is older than me, who could, in a sense, fill those shoes again. I guess it's just time I grow up and move on. It's hard though. I am not ready to be the one who knows all. In fact, Jonathan kinda laughed the other day when he hit a math problem we didn't know how to do. He said, now who are we going to call??? Hmmm...I guess Grandma Linda. I dunno. I know I don't know all the answers! I feel as though my heart is breaking and I hate this. I hate grief, dammit! Why does it hurt so bad?
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