Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Missing Mom

My Mama passed away on April 20th. She was *just* my stepmom, my birthmom passed away when I was 8, but she took over the role of Mom in my life and for the last almost 30 years, was "my Mother". I miss her like crazy. Not a day goes by that I don't reach for my phone to call her. Then I get pissed because she isn't there. It hurts. I feel I have nobody now. I don't have a close relationship with anyone who is older than me, who could, in a sense, fill those shoes again. I guess it's just time I grow up and move on. It's hard though. I am not ready to be the one who knows all. In fact, Jonathan kinda laughed the other day when he hit a math problem we didn't know how to do. He said, now who are we going to call??? Hmmm...I guess Grandma Linda. I dunno. I know I don't know all the answers! I feel as though my heart is breaking and I hate this. I hate grief, dammit! Why does it hurt so bad?

3 comments:

My Vision said...

I'm so sorry your stepmom passed away. Grieving is very hard to do. So sad to lose someone so close to you.

Rachel in AZ said...

(((Maggie!))) I found you. I had no idea you had a blog. :) I have tried to email you, hopefully you'll see this. I'm hoping we can reconnect and just chitchat. I hardly ever see you on the boards :(

Shoot me an email. All of the emails I have for you come back as bad addresses :(

Cecilia said...

Hi, you don’t know me, I don’t know you, I was browsing Google and stumbled on your blog.

I, too, lost my mother, and it is no easy thing to get through. Grief is the process by which your soul is healing the wound. Don't hate it, accept it. As time goes on, you will learn to live with the void and it will hurt less, but your mother will never go away from you thoughts and your heart. I will not sugar code it, the pain remains years after the event. I lost my mother August 2005 (almost 3 years ago). I ma better, I can function, but I miss her and I love her, and I am still grieving. But, guess what, that is life. I hang onto what is good in my life and I try to follow my mother's teachings, live the way she wanted me to live, I think of her when I have to make a decision, or give an advice, or be the adult. She guides me in my memories. Trust your memories; mom will come to the rescue...!