Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Grandmas' opinions of Adoption
It's been interesting getting the different opinions from the Grandmas involved in Hope's very open adoption. My mother was scared to death that Jill was going to come back for Hope (before and after parental rights were terminated). She was convinced that Jill was going to come in during the middle of the night and take Hope right from our home. I tried to tell her otherwise, but she had none of that. She just knew it was going to happen.My husband's birthmother (who gave him up for adoption when she was a teenager) knew that it was meant to be, that we were doing the right thing and that our open adoption was fairy tale perfect.My husband's adoptive mother is also convinced that at some point, Hope is going to be taken away and returned to Jill. I think it's a generational thing. I'm almost convinced she thinks that her own son is going to be given back to HIS birthmother, 48 years after his birth. So you have an idea of where her perspective comes from.Then we have Hope's birth-paternal grandmother. She visits Hope regularly and is very thankful we offer her the opportunity to do so. She is a realist and knows that our desires could change and we could no longer invite her in to our home. She knows her place in our family and is very respectful, almost to a fault. We have told her since the beginning, you are Hope's Grandmother. You have EVERY right to be here and be part of her life and our family. Nothing is going to change that, ever. But I'm sure she also realizes that we have no "contract" and nothing says our relationship has to continue.That said, the other day while she was here to visit, she told me something that brought tears to my eyes and has had me thinking about it ever since. Upon leaving, she said "I know Jill made the right choice". I looked at her and smiled. She said "from the beginning we knew Jill wasn't the maternal type, kids drive her crazy. She has a big heart but she isn't meant to be a mother. You, on the other hand, are. Yes, she made the right choice. Hope is in the best place she could ever be." I think about that and think about how fortunate Hope is to have her birthfamily in her life and how fortunate WE are to have her family in OUR lives. I like to think we are a big family now. I realistically know that our paths would have never crossed had Jill not given Hope to us. We would have never known she existed. Now, she is filling a void in my life I didn't know I had. Now we all have Hope.