Tuesday, March 10, 2009

It's 2:52am and I can't sleep.....

Here I sit. I'm feeling so emotional I'm a basket case. I am feeling every emotion there is from anger and bitterness to extreme sadness....frustration and confusion. I was feeling FINE just the other day. In fact, I honestly thought I turned a corner with my recovery and I was on the mend. I'm a month post-op today (Tuesday) and feel I should be over the hump by now. But no. I'm weepy, I'm sore, I'm oh so irritable. I can't sleep. I have no appetite. I'm so angry I could just spit nails, yet so sad I cry. I don't know if I'm coming or going. One minute I'm up and feeling fine, the next I'm down so low, I just want to curl in a ball and disappear.

What's up with this nonsense? Is it hormones? Am I heading in a downward spiral again? Heavens, I'm already on a super high dose of my anti-depressant. Is it making me worse? I took a valium a few hours ago, hoping it would relax me enough to sleep. Instead, I sat and cried. I don't know which end is up. I'm tired, but my eyes won't close so I can fall asleep. My husband is blissfully sleeping next to me, mentioned something about being tired and instantly began to snore. Of course he's tired, it's 3:00 in the morning! Ugh. But me? I sit here with blurry eyes blogging. I'm feeling sorry for myself. I feel even more sorry for my family. They are having to put up with me the day after a sleepless night over and over and over again.

I'm going to attempt sleep again. Wish me luck. :(
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