Thursday, January 14, 2010

Reaching Adulthood

My oldest child is now an adult. I really want to know how that happened so fast. Just yesterday she was a preemie baby all wrapped up in blankets. Just yesterday she was prancing off to Kindergarten. Just yesterday she was learning how to ride a bike...learning how to swim...getting her first boyfriend...her driver's permit. Just yesterday she was my little girl. On January 10th she turned 18.

On January 10th we, once again, remembered her twin brother, Ryan. Ryan died before birth due to undiagnosed oligohydraminos and IUGR. Ryan was my baby boy that I longed for so much. I didn't get to see him going off to kindergarten, I didn't get to see him ride a bike, swim, get his first girlfriend or drive. I wish I had the opportunity to do all of those things.

Each year, on January 10th, my heart is full of joy, happiness, pride. Each year on January 10th, my heart is full of sadness and tears. Such a bittersweet day. According to Jenna, it is to her, as well. Because of this, my heart hurts for her. My husband and I aren't the only ones affected by the loss of our son, 18 years ago. It has impacted his twin, as well. Jenna will never forget.

Ryan, I hope you know just how much you are loved and missed.
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