Friday, July 27, 2001

Oh, and we had Jenna's intake today with the new psych place. Oh how I hate psych intakes. they are so emotionally taxing on me (and Jenna!)

Everything was going fine, until they got to the last questions. Directed to me and hubby. 1. have you ever been physically abused? Me: yes dh: no. 2. have you ever been sexually abused? Me: yes dh: no. 3. have you ever been emotionally abused? Me: yes dh: no. 4. How would you describe, in your own words, your relationship with your daughter? Me: I love Jenna unconditionally, but some days she drives me totally insane. (totally) My love for her will never die, but I need help with the day to day coping. Dh's answer? it's a love hate relationship. I love her unconditionally, and will forever, but I hate the way she is the way she acts etc. and Jonathan's (my 4 yr old) reaction? I love my sissy but some days I wish the police would just come and take her away :(

I always hate these intakes because I am a paranoid person by nature. I wonder what they are writing down, why they are writing it and what they are thinking. Yeah, I was an abused kiddo. but I don't abuse MY kiddo. I decided early on that I was going to break the cycle of abuse if it killed me. I was NOT going to continue it. and I am standing true to that promise I made myself when I was 15. It just ain't happening here.

Oh and we talked about mental illness in the family and abusing drugs and alcohol. *sigh* my family on my mother's side (every member of that family) are/were alcoholics. several on my dad's side have been hospitalized for mental illness and/or rehab. on my dh's side? ahhh, one kid. and he was adopted. ROFLMAO

I basically figured out one thing. I came from a f*cked up family.

Oh, and speaking of family, I pissed Mabel off tonight. Mabel is my older (mid sixties) cousin. She came to the viewing tonight. Ok, no problem. Well, I was standing by the casket and she walked over, walked RIGHT past me to my brother, shook his hand told him she was sorry about his Pap. Ok fine, she isn't even related to him! she is MY cousin on my Mom's side! She didn't even look at me! So she comes over to me a few minutes later and said well you could have come over and talked to us (she was sitting about 5 ft away from me) I said, oh I was here talking to Josh (little brother) and she said *hrumph* I guess I'm not good enough.....or something like that. I said oh hell, no offense Mabel *eyeroll* I thought, hell, I was standing meeting and greeting people I don't even know, making small talk, etc and she couldn't even acknowledge that my Grandpa DIED? She's probably mad at me now and all offended. Piss on it.
Post a Comment