Wednesday, January 17, 2001

can't sleep. my eyes are burning and my vision is blurred, and yet, here I sit. I really need to sleep. Instead I sit and think of what happened today (yesterday?) and what will happen tomorrow(today?) and I find that I think so much and so violently that I can't sleep. Is there a way to trick my brain into stopping the thoughts? Long enough to sleep? I'd rather dream of my thoughts than sit here and think them. :-P

the dear hubby and I went out for lunch today. We had one rule, do not speak of the offspring. We get one day a week to just go out by ourselves to eat lunch. Today was it. What did we do? We talked and we ranted and we raved and we sat and looked at each other. We talked about the kids. We talked about the one thing that has been eating away at our souls. Our daughter. Yeah, the one with bipolar. One day we are told she is over indulged. We've spoiled her too much and turned her into a demon child. (affectionately known as Bipolar Barbie, the doll with two faces). The very next day we are told, by the very same service provider, that she is acting out as a way to get my love, that I am not giving her enough attention, that I don't love her enough. Give me a BREAK. How in the hell can I over indulge her and spoil her and shower her with too much attention, then at the very same time be not giving her enough attention? Just to clarify here, my children are NOT spoiled. They are NOT over indulged. They earn everything they receive. My children are loved. Very much so. Their love is not measured in 'things' but in 'time'. That old 'quality versus quanity' thing. kwim? I have spent 9 years showering that child with love and attention and care. (and almost 4 years with my son :-)) Pisses me off that someone can find the balls enough to say, Maggie, you don't love her enough. Maggie, you over indulge her too much...BITE ME.

*sigh* Ok, now I feel better. I just had an insane need to get that out in the open. I have nothing to hide. :-)
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